Reason for Divorce: Mustache

Most people get divorced for reasons like fighting over money,not enough marital relations or none at all, infidelity, and who knows what else. What would I get divorced for? None of that, but definitely the appearance of a mustache would do it. I am joking (no, I am not). I have told my husband to not ever grow one or I will never find him attractive again. It is the hard truth, but at least I tell it. I mean, wouldn’t you want to know what that last straw of attraction would be for your partner? Long Beard? Fine with me. Long Goatee? Ok. No facial Hair? Maybe too innocent looking but great! Handlebars? If you got the balls to pull it off, then I am good.  Mustache? Bye.

I will not apologize for my aversion to mustaches. It is the QUICKEST way to lose my attraction in every way. There is just something about it that can turn an incredibly handsome person inside and out into a really creepy boogie-man looking dude. I will prove it to you. Be prepared because I really will.

I love Edward Norton. He can look like a nice, sweet guy, or a badass depending on the movie, and at times, he can resemble my  husband. I have always said he is the movie version of my hubbie. But, sadly, he can even look creepy. If the movie version of my hubbie is creepy then it is an automatic NO to the real version. 

edward norton. steeches

Need another example? Ryan Gosling. He is my current crush. Everything about him is just so attractive, including his voice. I know, I know…You might not agree. That is fine. You have your crushes and I have mine, but Gosling is just so dreamy to me….until you see him with a mustache. That one little piece of facial hair takes all the attraction away for me. All of it. Need more examples….please scroll down. I am here for your amusement.  (Ummm and for you to get on my side of this whole mustache epidemic. It. Is. Just. Unbearable.)

mensfitness

Anthony Kiedis? I was unbelievably relieved when I saw that this facial hair was gone for the Super Bowl. Thank God. **I was just told he did have the mustache! Was I blinded by him not having a shirt on? Was I too busy enjoying the music? Who knows?!**

zillow

If you have a mustache, then you usually kinda remind me of this guy. No offense to him, but you have to admit that I might have a point. Really.

zimbio

If you want to do the No-Shave-November for charity, fine then either go all the way like this totally unique fella, or just grow out the beard. At least that way, your girlfriend will still hopefully find you attractive by the end of the month. Hopefully being the key word though.

collegehumor.af5f11441da3fb961ad6b4c4510e4586

So to sum up today’s post….mustaches are a deal breaker. Unless you are this cool cat, please do not have a mustache. It is just wrong. WRONG.

cat

Wait…did I say handlebars were ok? I have changed my mind. Oh Dear God, I have changed my mind. Axl, Dear Axl, you were every little teenager’s dream back in the day (granted that was two decades ago, wow how did he get old, but not me?), please just don’t. Just don’t Axl.

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